Self Tore Apart

Self Tore Apart
2006.12.19 23:54

I lost all my manuscripts from at age 14 to 16, for three years. During that time I was struggling with the destruction of self. I was forced to adopt many matters that have different values. I had been just unable to adopt harmoniously those things in my mind. Here's the word I remember from my lost manuscripts, that is ' My self will end up submerging if this situation goes on.'
Writers are very sensitive, susceptible, vulnerable, fragile. In other words in better words, very systematic. I have to keep myself healthy first, then I will encounter something different from me, as far as these don't affect me unwell, I can adopt.
For me girlfriends have been playing as something different from me. If I cannot assimilate them, I have to kick them out.
I lost all my manuscripts from at age 14 to 16, and indeed because this period fell on the days of crisis in my self, I lost them probably I didn't look back the days of self crisis any more. They were not deliberately thrown away, though, which is as good as I threw away. Because I just left them deep inside the storespace, so no one noticed these were the manuscripts.
To keep healthy mind and body, that's the most important agenda imposed throughout our lives.